This year has been filled with so many things revealing themselves that I’ve lost count. Actually, I haven’t. I’ve written them down because I typically write every day but you know what I mean. It seems like a lot of the things that took place this year were heart wrenching and I’ll be honest, there have been A LOT of moments that have come up. On the flip side there have been some great moments as well. What’s life without balance?
The one thing that hasn’t left my mind is a conversation one of my best friends and I had at the beginning of the year. He said he believed this year was going to be full of many things revealing themselves, for better or for worse. I don’t think I need to give a play by play of some of the things that have happened.
It’s been interesting to watch masks start to fall off this year or maybe it’s not that masks are falling off. Maybe we’re paying more attention to not only what’s going on around us but what’s going on within ourselves. It’s like we can’t hide our true feelings anymore even if we tried because life is literally putting us in a place where we either tell the truth or the truth will speak for us. I’ve personally had my cards pulled and put on full display several times this year until I decided to start facing my own BS. While it’s scary to confront different things about ourselves, there’s a blessing in being honest. We’re able to heal some things when we can genuinely stop turning a blind eye to them and acting like they don’t exist.
Also, karma is very real. Her job isn’t to terrorize people whenever she feels like it. Karma just reflects WHATEVER we project. If we’re constantly hurting other people because we’ve been hurt before, we’re going to continue to attract that kind of energy. The same applies to if we’re walking in faith, in love, etc. It just so happens that this reflection tends to come back magnified…so maybe we can see ourselves a little better.
I couldn’t be mad at this year if I tried. All life cares about is making sure we’re walking in our truths and living our best lives. It gives various lessons throughout our lifetime to help us be who we’re meant to be. These lessons may come in different forms but they do not stop until we take our last breaths. The biggest lessons I’ve been paying more attention to are to be more patient, let faith lead the way and embrace all of the possibilities of love. Sometimes when we pray for specific things, God doesn’t just hand them to us. He gives us opportunities to learn and grow into what we seek.
I remember specifically praying to be more patient and faith filled during my early twenties. I even prayed to accept the kind of love God wants for me. Did I achieve these things overnight? I’ll be 27 on the 28th of this month so I’ll let you answer that one. I’m still learning as a matter of fact but all of the opportunities I’ve been given to learn aren’t terribly bad. A little frustrating but they’re more easier to recognize. 7 times out of 10 I find myself laughing when I realize what’s going on in the midst of something that may seem frustrating. Some things have been just that this year but then a laugh usually ensues because life just wants us to be honest, wearing no masks. And God knows you cannot wear a mask when you’re asking for the courage to walk in your purpose and for honest love that touches your soul in the way it’s supposed to.
The past four years has required me to be the most vulnerable and honest version of myself that I’ve ever been. In the beginning of my relationship, I fought a lot. Not physically but emotionally and mentally. It took a lot of courage, patience and faith to break down toxic barriers I put up to keep any and everyone out of my space. Think of an animal that has been mistreated by other people or animals. The second someone tries to get too close, even if they mean no harm, that animal will either try to get away or it will lash out. Both are means are trying to protect itself while in an extremely vulnerable state.
Hurting people because we’ve been hurt seems like a natural response to all of the things we may have experienced up until this point but it causes more harm to us. I’ve lived like this for years and it’s shown up in various ways…even when I tried to pretend that my barriers were “healthy.” I had to learn that not every boundary is healthy and by no means is it helpful to be fake positive all of the time. Feeling my own emotions even if they didn’t look like what people said they should (internet logic can have you all over the place if you let it) was uncomfortable but now I own them.
The best part of taking off my own masks is the taste of freedom that is coming with it. The freedom to accept the fact that I can be loud and “ratchet” one minute, quiet and observant the next. The freedom to know I can quote song verses just like I can quote bible verses. The freedom to be as quirky as I want, random sounds, singing and dancing included. And I suppose the biggest lesson of all? The freedom to be kinder to others because I’m learning to be kinder to myself. I’d like to think life wanted to dish out as many lessons as it takes to remind me of that.