Self sabotage is one hell of a drug. Okay that sounds harsh but it is addicting. It will have you convinced that lugging around all of your emotions from your past is necessary. That you somehow can’t unpack your bags because it’s scary walking around with nothing to protect you. That you have to hold on to the old narrative of yourself because that’s all you’ve known yourself to be for years. Because if you so much as dare to step into your power, you somehow don’t deserve to know you were created on purpose for a purpose and people won’t like it if you’re “feeling yourself.” So what am I saying? I’m saying
we give ourselves permission to play small.
The funny thing about this post is I had zero intentions of writing it like this. I had something else in mind but I felt inspired when I woke up this morning and this is what wanted to be written. Okay, let me be 100% honest. I started off this month setting intentions with crystals. Intentions that I somehow felt a burning desire to actually stick with. I set my intentions January 1st and January 2nd I became sick. I haven’t had a cold in a long time and this had me bed ridden for almost a week. It took me almost two weeks to realize that the work I started at the beginning of the month was underway and last week was my last time using my past as a crutch. Yeah, I said it.
How I feel this morning is a direct result of me acknowledging the ways I choose to make painful choices and choosing to stop. Playing small is a choice. Being afraid to give and receive love is a choice. Telling my story from a pity standpoint is a choice. Being mean to protect myself is a choice (see being afraid to give and receive love again). These things have done nothing to positively serve me over the years and it’s a stagnant place to be.
(FYI: The good thing about this wrap tie blouse is I’m able to manipulate it so I’m not showing too much skin. My torso is definitely not being flaunted around my office lol. Let’s give it up for tops that add a little appeal to your work attire).