4 Ways to Deal With a Passive-Aggressive Coworker
According to Psychology Today, a passive-aggressive person is someone who “will hide their anger instead of expressing it directly.” Remember that one person in one of your school group projects who seemed to procrastinate or the former friend who routinely made snide remarks? You guessed it - passive-aggressiveness at its finest. The thing about those scenarios is that you possibly chose to stop interacting with the people in them. But, what happens when you encounter a passive-aggressive coworker?
Regardless of industry, this type of coworker can be found everywhere. It doesn’t matter if it’s your first job or you’ve been in the work force for almost a decade. You’re more than likely going to interact with them at some point, which can cause a ton of frustration. You may find that you don’t have an issue with your job itself and could probably perform it happily if it weren’t for a particular coworker. For those who work with multiple people, it’s possible that more than one person is passive-aggressive.
The question is, how are you supposed to do your job effectively and navigate interfacing with a coworker who, for unknown reasons, refuses to be direct? Although I’m not a career expert, I’ve learned a few things about working with different people in the past 13 years I’ve been in the workforce. Here are the tips that have helped me work alongside a passive-aggressive co-worker no matter if I worked in the food or legal industries.
Don’t take it personal
In the words of R&B singer Monica, “don’t take it personal,” which is easier said than done. It can also make you feel like someone is throwing salt on an open wound. I understand 100%. The thing is, someone’s passive-aggressive behavior really doesn’t have anything to do with us. Think about it like this - your coworkers have experienced things prior to being employed at your job and have lives outside of it. You’re probably not aware of all of the things they have to deal with or maybe you are. The point is, sometimes people aren’t in a position where they’ve learned how to be honest and open about their emotions.
This can cause them to do things we feel are frustrating, like writing e-mails or memos instead of speaking to you directly. Depending on the person, they might even try to undermine you at work (so frustrating). In their own way, they’re doing everything they can to feel better about themselves because living a life where you silence your emotions can cause everything from anxiety to depression. As irritating as it may be, remembering that their behavior is not a direct reflection of anything you’ve done is essential to your well-being.
Keep interactions brief
Although you can’t completely avoid seeing or interacting with this particular coworker, you can make it a point to only discuss things that pertain to your job. The less time you spend engaging in small talk or office gossip with this person, the better. From my experience, if someone is willing to gossip about everyone in the office to you, they’re probably talking about you to others. If it sounds childish, it’s because it is. So, the next best thing you can do is create a boundary for yourself so you don’t fall victim to hearing their complaints or snide remarks about others.
Document everything
Something that I’ve carried with me to each job is a piece of advice from my mom. She told me to make sure I document my interactions with co-workers and supervisors in the event something is misplaced, a misunderstanding ensues, or if someone tries to undermine you by being dishonest. This has served me well because it lessened the amount of times I experienced tense situations with a passive-aggressive coworker.
Instead of feeling like you’re creating more work for yourself by keeping a record of correspondence with passive-aggressive coworkers, think of it as you protecting yourself from the harm their behavior can cause. This actually leads me to my next point.
Schedule a meeting with hr
If things feel unbearable because of your coworker’s behavior, the next thing I suggest you do is schedule a meeting with HR or your supervisor(s). This should only come after you’ve gathered the correspondence between you and this person. You want to make sure you’re prepared to address your concerns while providing evidence to support them. This matters, especially when some people try to use tears to paint themselves as a victim when they’re actually the aggressor in a situation. You’d be surprised to know that this doesn’t stop at a certain age.
Work shouldn’t feel complicated but, because we’re complex beings, sometimes it can be. In a perfect world, we shouldn’t have to deal with passive-aggressive co-workers but, unfortunately, that’s not how life works. It doesn’t mean you’re being punished because you’ve come in contact with people like this but it does mean it’s up to you to find healthy ways to navigate your job in spite of this. Since everyone doesn’t have the privilege to leave their job because they’re dealing with a coworker that makes them feel stressed, I chose not to list that as an option. Realistically, some people rely on a source of income to help them afford a decent living in life so this article was written with the intention to keep that in mind.
As time goes on, this article may be updated with new insights and short quotes from others who choose to share how they navigate their jobs while working with a passive-aggressive coworker so stay tuned! If you want to share your experience, be sure to do so in the comment section!
