Learning to Ask For Help
I don’t know about you but asking for help is hard sometimes. Okay, scratch that. For me, it’s hard most of the time. I’ve been in therapy long enough to know it’s due to my hyper-independent nature. Also, I’m pretty sure I have characteristics of a Type-A Personality. Where did this stem from?
You guessed it - my childhood. There’s a saying that goes, “the more you hear something, the more you believe it,” which has proven to be true in some cases. I distinctly remember being praised for my ability to learn new concepts quickly and teach myself new things.
On the other hand, I was deemed the emotional and ‘needy’ child of my mom. I sought a lot of comfort from my mom and, as a mother, I realize how tiring this can be. There wasn’t one specific incident that made me desire to become independent but, rather, it was a series of events. I wanted to prove I wasn’t a smart cry-baby but
a smart, capable child, so I started learning how to self-soothe and paying attention to the way adults conducted themselves. In hindsight, it was never my job to prove my independence as a child but I grew up in a time where parenting resources weren’t marketed as much as they are today.
As you can imagine, the idea of asking for help reminds me of the little girl who no longer wanted to be seen as ‘weak.’ That’s the honest truth. As a black woman, it’s not lost on me that we’re praised for our immovable strength from child-rearing to financial hardships. But, I’ve learned a valuable lesson over the past 2 years.
no one is meant to do everything alone.
A hard truth I’ve had to face is that I don’t have the threshold to take on every single facet of life by myself while carrying a child on my hip. I know some people do not have a choice, which is sad. I honestly believe that it takes a village but the villages for some of us are either small or non-existent for various reasons. It can be a lot, especially if you’re trying to build a career in the midst of things.
The point is, after one breakdown too many this year, I’m learning to set my pride aside so I can ask for help. I’m also learning how to receive help, even if it comes from an unexpected source. If it’s one thing I now know, it’s that help may not always come in a form that we’re familiar with. It doesn’t always mean there are ill intentions attached to it either.
Although I am not a licensed therapist, I truly believe there is power in asking for help when we need it. It’s something we deserve regardless of the stage of life we’re in. It relieves us from feeling overwhelmed and burned out, which are two places we don’t want to stay in for a long period of time.
If you’ve always struggled to ask for help, just know that you’re not alone. Also, try not to think that you’re supposed to magically be receptive to help once you resolve to start asking for it. It’s a process, as with anything in life, and that’s okay. The goal isn’t perfection but progress when we’re able to move forward.
